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As If Denying Climate Change Wasn’t Bad Enough, Heartland Institute Has Now Sinned Against George Carlin

As If Denying Climate Change Wasn’t Bad Enough, Heartland Institute Has Now Sinned Against George Carlin.

ALL BETTER NOW  11:16 am April 29, 2014

As If Denying Climate Change Wasn’t Bad Enough, Heartland Institute Has Now Sinned Against George Carlin

by Doktor Zoom

We love us some George Carlin. We can think of no higher occupation than Foole. We even love his later ranty years, those concerts where he was so thoroughly disgusted by the Damned Human Race and our institutions that it took a conscious act of will for him to go out on stage and not just howl for an hour. Which, OK, he certainly did, only he at least included some nouns and verbs. We’d like to think Carlin would have gotten a certain grim satisfaction from seeing one of his own rants remixed and brutalized by corporate pimps, because he could at least point to it and say This is exactly what I was telling you fuckers about.

This is not to say we don’t share the disgust of the Daily Kos writer who found this thoroughly bastardized George Carlin “quote” on the Facebook page of the Heartland Institute, the nice corporate-funded folks who brought us those charming “Ted Kaczynski believes in global warming” murder billboards a couple years back. It pulled a few lines from the routine up top, gave them an anti-government libertarian spin, and removed any reference to the moneyed shitheads who in a better time would have been the first up against the wall:
It's sort of 'accurate,' if you don't mind it being almost the oppposite of what Carlin actually said

We won’t reprint the full transcript that the Kos article provides; it’s really rather impressive, though, that a group so dedicated to the very sort of anti-thinking agenda that Carlin rants about in the routine would use him as an avatar of corporate libertarianism. It’s not even so much that the fake quote portrays Carlin saying “Governments don’t want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking” instead of the actual “The big wealthy ibusiness interests don’t want that” — hell, the bit dismisses the power of government, not because government is evil, but because it was already fully purchased and neutered by the moneyed bastards under Reagan:

Forget the politicians, they’re an irrelevancy. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you.

That’s some prime late-vintage Carlin, all right.

We aren’t even so sure that the “corrected” version put together at Kos is all that much better, apart from being an accurate collection of pull-quotes from the Carlin routine:

Not nearly bleak enough, frankly

This has the benefit of being Carlin’s actual words, but without the surrounding refrain — “You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything … They’ve got you by the balls” — it seems a little bit too optimistic and hopeful, because the part of Carlin’s rant that both versions leave out is that this isn’t gonna change:

And, now, they’re coming for your Social Security. They want your fucking retirement money. They want it back, so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street. And you know something? They’ll get it. They’ll get it all, sooner or later, because they own this fucking place. It’s a big club, and you ain’t in it. You and I are not in the big club.

This country is finished.

Carlin was not big on the hope and change thing; not because he distrusted government, but because he had an abiding disgust for people in power and not a lot of hope that anything would improve. He was way beyond any solace from communing with tortoises in the desert, and had maybe even given up on the idea that satire could help, except perhaps to make the bad shit a little easier to bear.

For their part, we should probably mention that this chopped-up Carlin quote did not originate with the corporate whores at the Heartland Institute — they just found an image macro that is all over the web in nine million versions, with “government” as the bad guy every single time. It just appeared to match their agenda. Once they got a virtual earful from Carlin fans, they posted an apology that Carlin would have loved tearing into:

A recent post on this Facebook page has caused some controversy. We posted an image of George Carlin along with a quote attributed to him. We discovered, thanks to the diligence of Carlin fans following us that the quote was taken out of context.

In addition to producing extensive original commentary, we attempt to serve as a clearing house for interesting and informative quotations and thoughts by academics, statesmen, and other public figures. It was through that latter endeavor that we came across the quotation in question. Ordinarily we check carefully to establish the veracity of these posts before reusing them, but in this instance we failed to do so.

Our intention is always to provide accurate quotes and information, and we acknowledge our failure in this instance. We did not design the meme we posted, but because we did post it, we own it. We apologize for the error.

Oh, also, we like to make up complete bullshit about climate change. Sorry about that, too.

Anyway, one instance of a bogus George Carlin quote has been removed. Victory is surely at hand.

[Daily Kos / Facebook via Daily Kos]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He likes tortoises.

Read more at http://wonkette.com/547827/as-if-denying-climate-change-wasnt-bad-enough-heartland-institute-has-now-sinned-against-george-carlin#C00zUvLCbcZCveOg.99

ALL BETTER NOW  11:16 am April 29, 2014

As If Denying Climate Change Wasn’t Bad Enough, Heartland Institute Has Now Sinned Against George Carlin

by Doktor Zoom

We love us some George Carlin. We can think of no higher occupation than Foole. We even love his later ranty years, those concerts where he was so thoroughly disgusted by the Damned Human Race and our institutions that it took a conscious act of will for him to go out on stage and not just howl for an hour. Which, OK, he certainly did, only he at least included some nouns and verbs. We’d like to think Carlin would have gotten a certain grim satisfaction from seeing one of his own rants remixed and brutalized by corporate pimps, because he could at least point to it and say This is exactly what I was telling you fuckers about.

This is not to say we don’t share the disgust of the Daily Kos writer who found this thoroughly bastardized George Carlin “quote” on the Facebook page of the Heartland Institute, the nice corporate-funded folks who brought us those charming “Ted Kaczynski believes in global warming” murder billboards a couple years back. It pulled a few lines from the routine up top, gave them an anti-government libertarian spin, and removed any reference to the moneyed shitheads who in a better time would have been the first up against the wall:
It's sort of 'accurate,' if you don't mind it being almost the oppposite of what Carlin actually said

We won’t reprint the full transcript that the Kos article provides; it’s really rather impressive, though, that a group so dedicated to the very sort of anti-thinking agenda that Carlin rants about in the routine would use him as an avatar of corporate libertarianism. It’s not even so much that the fake quote portrays Carlin saying “Governments don’t want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking” instead of the actual “The big wealthy ibusiness interests don’t want that” — hell, the bit dismisses the power of government, not because government is evil, but because it was already fully purchased and neutered by the moneyed bastards under Reagan:

Forget the politicians, they’re an irrelevancy. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you.

That’s some prime late-vintage Carlin, all right.

We aren’t even so sure that the “corrected” version put together at Kos is all that much better, apart from being an accurate collection of pull-quotes from the Carlin routine:

Not nearly bleak enough, frankly

This has the benefit of being Carlin’s actual words, but without the surrounding refrain — “You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything … They’ve got you by the balls” — it seems a little bit too optimistic and hopeful, because the part of Carlin’s rant that both versions leave out is that this isn’t gonna change:

And, now, they’re coming for your Social Security. They want your fucking retirement money. They want it back, so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street. And you know something? They’ll get it. They’ll get it all, sooner or later, because they own this fucking place. It’s a big club, and you ain’t in it. You and I are not in the big club.

This country is finished.

Carlin was not big on the hope and change thing; not because he distrusted government, but because he had an abiding disgust for people in power and not a lot of hope that anything would improve. He was way beyond any solace from communing with tortoises in the desert, and had maybe even given up on the idea that satire could help, except perhaps to make the bad shit a little easier to bear.

For their part, we should probably mention that this chopped-up Carlin quote did not originate with the corporate whores at the Heartland Institute — they just found an image macro that is all over the web in nine million versions, with “government” as the bad guy every single time. It just appeared to match their agenda. Once they got a virtual earful from Carlin fans, they posted an apology that Carlin would have loved tearing into:

A recent post on this Facebook page has caused some controversy. We posted an image of George Carlin along with a quote attributed to him. We discovered, thanks to the diligence of Carlin fans following us that the quote was taken out of context.

In addition to producing extensive original commentary, we attempt to serve as a clearing house for interesting and informative quotations and thoughts by academics, statesmen, and other public figures. It was through that latter endeavor that we came across the quotation in question. Ordinarily we check carefully to establish the veracity of these posts before reusing them, but in this instance we failed to do so.

Our intention is always to provide accurate quotes and information, and we acknowledge our failure in this instance. We did not design the meme we posted, but because we did post it, we own it. We apologize for the error.

Oh, also, we like to make up complete bullshit about climate change. Sorry about that, too.

Anyway, one instance of a bogus George Carlin quote has been removed. Victory is surely at hand.

[Daily Kos / Facebook via Daily Kos]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He likes tortoises.

Read more at http://wonkette.com/547827/as-if-denying-climate-change-wasnt-bad-enough-heartland-institute-has-now-sinned-against-george-carlin#C00zUvLCbcZCveOg.99

ALL BETTER NOW  11:16 am April 29, 2014

As If Denying Climate Change Wasn’t Bad Enough, Heartland Institute Has Now Sinned Against George Carlin

by Doktor Zoom

We love us some George Carlin. We can think of no higher occupation than Foole. We even love his later ranty years, those concerts where he was so thoroughly disgusted by the Damned Human Race and our institutions that it took a conscious act of will for him to go out on stage and not just howl for an hour. Which, OK, he certainly did, only he at least included some nouns and verbs. We’d like to think Carlin would have gotten a certain grim satisfaction from seeing one of his own rants remixed and brutalized by corporate pimps, because he could at least point to it and say This is exactly what I was telling you fuckers about.

This is not to say we don’t share the disgust of the Daily Kos writer who found this thoroughly bastardized George Carlin “quote” on the Facebook page of the Heartland Institute, the nice corporate-funded folks who brought us those charming “Ted Kaczynski believes in global warming” murder billboards a couple years back. It pulled a few lines from the routine up top, gave them an anti-government libertarian spin, and removed any reference to the moneyed shitheads who in a better time would have been the first up against the wall:
It's sort of 'accurate,' if you don't mind it being almost the oppposite of what Carlin actually said

We won’t reprint the full transcript that the Kos article provides; it’s really rather impressive, though, that a group so dedicated to the very sort of anti-thinking agenda that Carlin rants about in the routine would use him as an avatar of corporate libertarianism. It’s not even so much that the fake quote portrays Carlin saying “Governments don’t want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking” instead of the actual “The big wealthy ibusiness interests don’t want that” — hell, the bit dismisses the power of government, not because government is evil, but because it was already fully purchased and neutered by the moneyed bastards under Reagan:

Forget the politicians, they’re an irrelevancy. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you.

That’s some prime late-vintage Carlin, all right.

We aren’t even so sure that the “corrected” version put together at Kos is all that much better, apart from being an accurate collection of pull-quotes from the Carlin routine:

Not nearly bleak enough, frankly

This has the benefit of being Carlin’s actual words, but without the surrounding refrain — “You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything … They’ve got you by the balls” — it seems a little bit too optimistic and hopeful, because the part of Carlin’s rant that both versions leave out is that this isn’t gonna change:

And, now, they’re coming for your Social Security. They want your fucking retirement money. They want it back, so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street. And you know something? They’ll get it. They’ll get it all, sooner or later, because they own this fucking place. It’s a big club, and you ain’t in it. You and I are not in the big club.

This country is finished.

Carlin was not big on the hope and change thing; not because he distrusted government, but because he had an abiding disgust for people in power and not a lot of hope that anything would improve. He was way beyond any solace from communing with tortoises in the desert, and had maybe even given up on the idea that satire could help, except perhaps to make the bad shit a little easier to bear.

For their part, we should probably mention that this chopped-up Carlin quote did not originate with the corporate whores at the Heartland Institute — they just found an image macro that is all over the web in nine million versions, with “government” as the bad guy every single time. It just appeared to match their agenda. Once they got a virtual earful from Carlin fans, they posted an apology that Carlin would have loved tearing into:

A recent post on this Facebook page has caused some controversy. We posted an image of George Carlin along with a quote attributed to him. We discovered, thanks to the diligence of Carlin fans following us that the quote was taken out of context.

In addition to producing extensive original commentary, we attempt to serve as a clearing house for interesting and informative quotations and thoughts by academics, statesmen, and other public figures. It was through that latter endeavor that we came across the quotation in question. Ordinarily we check carefully to establish the veracity of these posts before reusing them, but in this instance we failed to do so.

Our intention is always to provide accurate quotes and information, and we acknowledge our failure in this instance. We did not design the meme we posted, but because we did post it, we own it. We apologize for the error.

Oh, also, we like to make up complete bullshit about climate change. Sorry about that, too.

Anyway, one instance of a bogus George Carlin quote has been removed. Victory is surely at hand.

[Daily Kos / Facebook via Daily Kos]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He likes tortoises.

Read more at http://wonkette.com/547827/as-if-denying-climate-change-wasnt-bad-enough-heartland-institute-has-now-sinned-against-george-carlin#C00zUvLCbcZCveOg.99

Please Fund Our Kickstarter To Send Mike Huckabee To North Korea, Where He Can Be Free

Please Fund Our Kickstarter To Send Mike Huckabee To North Korea, Where He Can Be Free.

PROPERTY RIGHTS UBER ALLES  11:23 am April 14, 2014

Please Fund Our Kickstarter To Send Mike Huckabee To North Korea, Where He Can Be Free

by snipy

Huckabee: ‘More Freedom Sometimes in North Korea Than in United…
Huckabee: ‘More Freedom Sometimes in North Korea Than in United States’

Do you dig Mike Huckabee? Who doesn’t, really? If you do, you’ll definitely be into his speech at the Conservative Value Freedom Summit God Bless America Property Rights Jamboree thing over the weekend, sponsored, of course, by Citizens United and Americans For Prosperity. Huckabee, like every other conservative there, was stroking himself off to the thought that there might be an insurrection uprising shootout fun time over Cliven Bundy’s refusal to pay fees to graze his cattle on public land, because everyone knows that God meant for Americans to use every last bit of land for their personal gain whether they own it or not, because freedom. But Huckabee took his haranguing one step farther, and managed to do a conservative greatest hit concert and hit every imaginary grievance those people have. Oh, and he also decided he’d rather live in North Korea because of all their freedoms.

 

Oh my god, check out that crowd of old white people. They keep hopping up to give Mike a standing O for his stirring words, but then they sit right down again, only to pop up a few seconds later. A bunch of them probably had to take their heart pills after that.

Now you might think “oh hey, I kind of wouldn’t feel free in a place where people are starving to death and get shot by the Dear Leader for disagreeing, or for being his ex-girlfriend, you know how it is, chicks man, but that is because you are not Mike Huckabee, and you have not suffered the slings and arrows of Fast and Furious, which is a thing conservatives are still mad about, we guess? Also too BENGHAZI!1!, which we did not think could relate at all to cattle grazing, but in the fevered mind of Mike Huckabee it does because we have no idea why.

Mike Huckabee is also very mad about Brandeis students protesting the proposed commencement speaker, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, because they realized she is maybe kind of a bit too firebrand-y about hating Islam. And oh, Mike is positively overcome with sadmad about Brendan Eich having to leave Mozilla because of the gay marriage hating. We are not really sure how examples of two private institutions making decisions about speech in their own private institutions equal government tyranny, but again, we are not Mike Huckabee. Perhaps he thinks that Bamz amassed some ATF and FBI agents at the doors of Brandeis and Mozilla and made them do it?

So Fast and Furious plus Benghazi multiplied by Brandeis and Mozilla equals less freedom than North Korea, especially because Mike Huckabee has to show ID at the airport.

“My gosh, I’m beginning to think that there’s more freedom in North Korea sometimes than there is in the United States,” he continued. “When I go to the airport, I have to get in the surrender position while people put hands all over me. And I have to provide photo ID in a couple of different forms, and prove that I really am not going to terrorize the airplane.”

Huckabee added: “But if I want to go vote, I don’t need a thing. All I got to do is show up and I can give them anybody’s name, and that’s okay.”

Sound argument! Except for the fact that there is no constitutional right to fly on a plane, but the whole voting thing is kinda enshrined in the Constitution, but otherwise those things are exactly the same indeed.

Given that we don’t yet have the technology to send Mike Huckabee on a rocket into the sun, we’ll have to settle for crowdfunding a plane to take him to the Worker’s Paradise that is North Korea. Help us out, won’t you?

[Raw Story]

Read more at http://wonkette.com/546424/please-fund-our-kickstarter-to-send-mike-huckabee-to-north-korea-where-he-can-be-free#211rEY374UiLbBJH.99

PROPERTY RIGHTS UBER ALLES  11:23 am April 14, 2014

Please Fund Our Kickstarter To Send Mike Huckabee To North Korea, Where He Can Be Free

by snipy

Huckabee: ‘More Freedom Sometimes in North Korea Than in United…
Huckabee: ‘More Freedom Sometimes in North Korea Than in United States’

Do you dig Mike Huckabee? Who doesn’t, really? If you do, you’ll definitely be into his speech at the Conservative Value Freedom Summit God Bless America Property Rights Jamboree thing over the weekend, sponsored, of course, by Citizens United and Americans For Prosperity. Huckabee, like every other conservative there, was stroking himself off to the thought that there might be an insurrection uprising shootout fun time over Cliven Bundy’s refusal to pay fees to graze his cattle on public land, because everyone knows that God meant for Americans to use every last bit of land for their personal gain whether they own it or not, because freedom. But Huckabee took his haranguing one step farther, and managed to do a conservative greatest hit concert and hit every imaginary grievance those people have. Oh, and he also decided he’d rather live in North Korea because of all their freedoms.

 

Oh my god, check out that crowd of old white people. They keep hopping up to give Mike a standing O for his stirring words, but then they sit right down again, only to pop up a few seconds later. A bunch of them probably had to take their heart pills after that.

Now you might think “oh hey, I kind of wouldn’t feel free in a place where people are starving to death and get shot by the Dear Leader for disagreeing, or for being his ex-girlfriend, you know how it is, chicks man, but that is because you are not Mike Huckabee, and you have not suffered the slings and arrows of Fast and Furious, which is a thing conservatives are still mad about, we guess? Also too BENGHAZI!1!, which we did not think could relate at all to cattle grazing, but in the fevered mind of Mike Huckabee it does because we have no idea why.

Mike Huckabee is also very mad about Brandeis students protesting the proposed commencement speaker, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, because they realized she is maybe kind of a bit too firebrand-y about hating Islam. And oh, Mike is positively overcome with sadmad about Brendan Eich having to leave Mozilla because of the gay marriage hating. We are not really sure how examples of two private institutions making decisions about speech in their own private institutions equal government tyranny, but again, we are not Mike Huckabee. Perhaps he thinks that Bamz amassed some ATF and FBI agents at the doors of Brandeis and Mozilla and made them do it?

So Fast and Furious plus Benghazi multiplied by Brandeis and Mozilla equals less freedom than North Korea, especially because Mike Huckabee has to show ID at the airport.

“My gosh, I’m beginning to think that there’s more freedom in North Korea sometimes than there is in the United States,” he continued. “When I go to the airport, I have to get in the surrender position while people put hands all over me. And I have to provide photo ID in a couple of different forms, and prove that I really am not going to terrorize the airplane.”

Huckabee added: “But if I want to go vote, I don’t need a thing. All I got to do is show up and I can give them anybody’s name, and that’s okay.”

Sound argument! Except for the fact that there is no constitutional right to fly on a plane, but the whole voting thing is kinda enshrined in the Constitution, but otherwise those things are exactly the same indeed.

Given that we don’t yet have the technology to send Mike Huckabee on a rocket into the sun, we’ll have to settle for crowdfunding a plane to take him to the Worker’s Paradise that is North Korea. Help us out, won’t you?

[Raw Story]

Read more at http://wonkette.com/546424/please-fund-our-kickstarter-to-send-mike-huckabee-to-north-korea-where-he-can-be-free#211rEY374UiLbBJH.99

PROPERTY RIGHTS UBER ALLES  11:23 am April 14, 2014

Please Fund Our Kickstarter To Send Mike Huckabee To North Korea, Where He Can Be Free

by snipy

Huckabee: ‘More Freedom Sometimes in North Korea Than in United…
Huckabee: ‘More Freedom Sometimes in North Korea Than in United States’

Do you dig Mike Huckabee? Who doesn’t, really? If you do, you’ll definitely be into his speech at the Conservative Value Freedom Summit God Bless America Property Rights Jamboree thing over the weekend, sponsored, of course, by Citizens United and Americans For Prosperity. Huckabee, like every other conservative there, was stroking himself off to the thought that there might be an insurrection uprising shootout fun time over Cliven Bundy’s refusal to pay fees to graze his cattle on public land, because everyone knows that God meant for Americans to use every last bit of land for their personal gain whether they own it or not, because freedom. But Huckabee took his haranguing one step farther, and managed to do a conservative greatest hit concert and hit every imaginary grievance those people have. Oh, and he also decided he’d rather live in North Korea because of all their freedoms.

 

Oh my god, check out that crowd of old white people. They keep hopping up to give Mike a standing O for his stirring words, but then they sit right down again, only to pop up a few seconds later. A bunch of them probably had to take their heart pills after that.

Now you might think “oh hey, I kind of wouldn’t feel free in a place where people are starving to death and get shot by the Dear Leader for disagreeing, or for being his ex-girlfriend, you know how it is, chicks man, but that is because you are not Mike Huckabee, and you have not suffered the slings and arrows of Fast and Furious, which is a thing conservatives are still mad about, we guess? Also too BENGHAZI!1!, which we did not think could relate at all to cattle grazing, but in the fevered mind of Mike Huckabee it does because we have no idea why.

Mike Huckabee is also very mad about Brandeis students protesting the proposed commencement speaker, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, because they realized she is maybe kind of a bit too firebrand-y about hating Islam. And oh, Mike is positively overcome with sadmad about Brendan Eich having to leave Mozilla because of the gay marriage hating. We are not really sure how examples of two private institutions making decisions about speech in their own private institutions equal government tyranny, but again, we are not Mike Huckabee. Perhaps he thinks that Bamz amassed some ATF and FBI agents at the doors of Brandeis and Mozilla and made them do it?

So Fast and Furious plus Benghazi multiplied by Brandeis and Mozilla equals less freedom than North Korea, especially because Mike Huckabee has to show ID at the airport.

“My gosh, I’m beginning to think that there’s more freedom in North Korea sometimes than there is in the United States,” he continued. “When I go to the airport, I have to get in the surrender position while people put hands all over me. And I have to provide photo ID in a couple of different forms, and prove that I really am not going to terrorize the airplane.”

Huckabee added: “But if I want to go vote, I don’t need a thing. All I got to do is show up and I can give them anybody’s name, and that’s okay.”

Sound argument! Except for the fact that there is no constitutional right to fly on a plane, but the whole voting thing is kinda enshrined in the Constitution, but otherwise those things are exactly the same indeed.

Given that we don’t yet have the technology to send Mike Huckabee on a rocket into the sun, we’ll have to settle for crowdfunding a plane to take him to the Worker’s Paradise that is North Korea. Help us out, won’t you?

[Raw Story]

Read more at http://wonkette.com/546424/please-fund-our-kickstarter-to-send-mike-huckabee-to-north-korea-where-he-can-be-free#211rEY374UiLbBJH.99

Mitt Romney Explains Where Obama Went Wrong (Hint: It Is ‘Everywhere’)

Not ashamed to admit I send monies to Wonkette for the pleasure she brings. For ten bucks, you really get bang for your buck.

via Mitt Romney Explains Where Obama Went Wrong (Hint: It Is ‘Everywhere’).

LET’S GO DO SOME CRIMEA 1:30 pm March 18, 2014

Mitt Romney Explains Where Obama Went Wrong (Hint: It Is ‘Everywhere’)

by Doktor Zoom

We need a leader who instills respect in his foesIt sure is a good thing that politics stops at the water’s edge, because otherwise this Mitt Romney pouting in the Wall Street Journal sure would be controversial, since basically he tells America that we really screwed up bad by choosing such a terrible president who is decidedly not Mitt Romney. You see, were it not for all of Barack Obama’s manifest failures to do things much differently, the world would be a pretty nice place, but as it is, everything that foreign countries have done is the result of Barry Bamz being a big weakling. Also, Hillary Clinton, too. Romney laments that there are “no good options” on a whole bunch of international issues, like Crimea of course, but also Afghanistan and Iraq and Iran and North Korea, all of which Obama really screwed up on, leaving America with its hands tied:

A large part of the answer is our leader’s terrible timing. In virtually every foreign-affairs crisis we have faced these past five years, there was a point when America had good choices and good options. There was a juncture when America had the potential to influence events. But we failed to act at the propitious point; that moment having passed, we were left without acceptable options.

Fittingly, the column was published on a Monday night; you sort of imagine Mitt in a helmet and shoulder pads, calling plays into the past. Because if you look at history, it’s clear that America can always make other countries do exactly what America wants when we have a good leader who does the right thing, as proven by that quote from Shakespeare about how you gotta catch the tide just right and ride it, because Charlie don’t surf.

First off, on Ukraine, Barry totally failed to recognize the possibility that Putin would invade Crimea, even though it should have been obvious once the government started responding violently to the protests:

That was the time to talk with our global allies about punishments and sanctions, to secure their solidarity, and to communicate these to the Russian president. These steps, plus assurances that we would not exclude Russia from its base in Sevastopol or threaten its influence in Kiev, might have dissuaded him from invasion.

Which is a pretty good backwards psychic prediction, because it doesn’t need to account for pesky details like the fact that shortly before the Ukrainian government started shooting protesters, it was looking like it was going to negotiate with them instead, and then that government fell almost as suddenly as it started killing people. But yes, had Obama just seen the situation with the clarity of a month later, he should have warned Putin, and we all know how Putin listens to other leaders.

Similarly, when protests in Syria first started to turn into a revolt against Bashar Assad, Mitt tells us that

the time was ripe for us to bring together moderate leaders who would have been easy enough for us to identify, to assure the Alawites that they would have a future post-Assad, and to see that the rebels were well armed.

Why, yes, all you have to do is look at the headlines from three years ago, when they all said “Good Guys In Syria Easy to Identify” — and when the administration sought to work with the moderate rebels, there certainly weren’t any teabaggers like Michele Bachmann screaming that the Arab Spring was just a cover for al Qaeda trying to take over everything.

And so on — in one foreign situation after another, Mitt Romney finds the perfect moment where Barack Obama was asleep at the switch again. Really, he should go back in time and fix stuff, but he refuses to because he is Weak. But has anything worked out for poor feckless Barack? Heck no, because he failed to bully the world into fearing America the way he should have:

President Obama and Secretary of State Clinton traveled the world in pursuit of their promise to reset relations and to build friendships across the globe. Their failure has been painfully evident: It is hard to name even a single country that has more respect and admiration for America today than when President Obama took office, and now Russia is in Ukraine.

Because god knows, we were so very, very admired and respected under the able leadership of George W. Bush.

[WSJ]

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Young Neidermeyers

TUNE IN TURN ON DERP OUT  2:14 pm March 16, 2014

by Doktor Zoom

Fine, there's your sideboob.Hope you filthy hippies are ready to get a good talking-to about your drugs and your communism and your satanic rock music, because this week it’s time to get a dose of revisionist history of the 1960s, courtesy of our textbooks for the Christian homeschooling market. Our 8th-grade text, America: Land I Love (A Beka, 1994, 2006), has no doubts about just what a terrible time the decade was, and why:

By the early 1960s, the teachings of humanist philosopher John Dewey, the father of progressive education, had permeated public education. Dewey was a leader in the secular humanist movement, which put man in place of or above God. Moral absolutes, such as those once taught in the McGuffey Readers, were replaced by humanistic ideas such as encouraging children to “follow their animal instincts” and to practice permissive “self expression” in the classroom…

As “progressive” educators removed godly values from the classroom, America’s youth became ripe for the spirit of rebellion that moved across the nation in the late 1960s, opening the door to drug abuse and sexual immorality. As discipline, dress codes, and moral standards relaxed in the public school systems, test scores continued to decline. Rock music began to influence American culture through such popular musicians as Elvis Presley.

In other words, this chapter of Land I Love is pretty much a grab bag of rightwing culture war complaints about the ’60s. Our other text, Bob Jones University Press’s 11/12th-grade United States History for Christian Schools (2001), is slightly less panicked in tone — as usual, it makes fewer sweeping claims about why everything went to hell — but nonetheless titles its chapter on 1963-73 “The Shattered Society” and emphasizes that America just barely avoided utter dissolution in that decade.

U.S. History takes a fairly conventional take on the ’60s, noting the social and political upheavals and sadly shaking its head in disappointment:

As he reviewed the dramatically widespread unrest in the United States, one California newspaper editor lamented, “We just seem to be headed toward a collapse of everything.”

In the midst of apparent chaos, many Americans looked to their political leaders for guidance — and deliverance. The presidents during this era were two of the shrewdest, most experienced politicians in America, Democrat Lyndon B. Johnson and Republican Richard M. Nixon. Yet both found that America’s problems defied their efforts to solve them.

Obviously, Land I Love is going to be a lot more fun this week.

The greatest disaster of the ’60s, according to Land I Love, was America’s public abandonment of God, as forced by the ACLU and just one very bad woman:

In 1962, the Supreme Court removed prayer from public schools, and in 1963, it banned Bible reading from the public schools. These decisions came about largely through the efforts of Madalyn Murray O’Hair, an atheist and Communist who used her teenage son, William, to protest daily Bible reading and prayer in the public schools of Baltimore, Maryland. A liberal Supreme Court ruled that even voluntary Bible reading and prayer were unconstitutional because they “discriminated against” non-Christians.

Of course, this leaves out a couple of details, largely around how you define “voluntary” — it’s perfectly legal, of course, for kids to read the Bible and pray on their own time; the decisions only barred school-organized devotions that kids could “volunteer” to not participate in. For its part, U.S. History simply says that the 1962 Engel v. Vitale decision “banned state-sponsored prayers in public schools as a so-called violation of the First Amendment’s guarantee of the separation of church and state”; while the Bob Jones editors clearly disagree, they don’t bother personalizing the issue as the whim of one cranky atheist commie. Land I Love even devotes a full paragraph to O’Hair’s son, William Murray, and his conversion to Christianity and 1980 “apology” to America

for his role in the removal of Bible reading and prayer from the public schools. He said that his mother had brainwashed him into accepting atheism and Communism, but after years of misery and despair, he had found faith in God. Now he prayed that God might somehow use his testimony to bring prayer back into the classroom.

God, sadly, has continued to slack off on fixing this for the past 34 years, probably because He has been busy helping with all those high school football games. In any case, those clearly illegal Supreme Court decisions were utterly at odds with the True Meaning of the Constitution:

The Founding Fathers who wrote the Constitution had great respect for both prayer and God’s Word. It was because of our Christian heritage that most schools had included prayer and Bible reading in their daily routines for years. The Supreme Court interpreted the Constitution in a way that its writers would not have agreed with.

U.S. History doesn’t attempt to claim that the Founders wanted prayer in schools, but includes the prayer decision as part of a larger discussion of “judicial activism,” which is of course bad, since it expanded the rights of accused criminals and “defined ‘obscenity’ so narrowly that [Roth v. United States (1957)] actually struck down many obscenity laws.” The textbook approvingly quotes Justice John Harlan’s 1964 dissenting opinion that

The Constitution is not a panacea for every blot upon the public welfare, nor should this Court, ordained as a judicial body, be thought of as a general haven for reform movements … This Court … does not serve its high purpose, when it exceeds its authority even to satisfy justified impatience with the slow workings of the political process.

With a resigned sigh, the editors add, “Unfortunately, the majority of Harlan’s associates did not listen to him.”

To emphasize that all these terrible changes were imposed upon a majority of Americans who didn’t want them, Land I Love includes a paragraph explaining that, along with Madalyn Murray O’Hair, there was another bunch of troublemakers to blame:

Since the 1920s, a group of lawyers known as the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) had actively defended the extreme views of atheist, socialist, and Communist minorities. In the 1960s, the ACLU began to use the courts to force local communities to stop making references to Biblical values in public life. They claimed that the U.S. Constitution established a “wall of separation” between church and state. Later the ACLU would have bronze copies of the Ten Commandments removed from walls in schools, village halls, and county court houses, and some communities would be forced to ban public Christmas displays featuring the birth of Jesus. The ACLU would also later defend public displays of pornography as an expression of the First Amendment right to free speech.

Because lord knows, there’s nothing in the Constitution about minorities having rights that the majority has to respect. We’re sort of wondering about those “public displays of pornography,” which seem to have fallen out of favor — either that, or, more likely, the editors consider just about every PG-rated movie a public display of pornography.

Now, where are the hippies in all this? Ha-ha, we were joking you with that photo up there — we’ll get to the filthy hippies next time, because we have written our thousand words for this week, and suddenly we are run over by eleven long-haired friends of Jesus in a chartreuse microbus.

Next Week: The Great Society makes everybody addicted to Big Government. Also, hippies.

Read more at http://wonkette.com/544229/sundays-with-the-christianists-american-history-textbooks-for-young-neidermeyers#gp2AR0EovKv4I7TL.99

Michele Bachmann So Disappointed American Jews Don’t Recognize That Obama Is The Antichrist

Michele Bachmann So Disappointed American Jews Don’t Recognize That Obama Is The Antichrist.

RAPTURE OF THE DERP  9:22 am March 5, 2014

Michele Bachmann So Disappointed American Jews Don’t Recognize That Obama Is The Antichrist

by Doktor Zoom

Image from 'Jewlicious.com'Like a lot of your rightwing fundagelicals, Michele Bachmann is a big believer in the old Chick tract “Support Your Local Jew,” so she knows that the most important country in the world, next to maybe America, is Israel, because that’s where Jesus will come to end the world. And so if Israel is unhappy about an American policy, that’s not just international politics, that’s an affront to God. Which explains why ol’ Crazy Eyes is especially ticked at American Jews for not recognizing the self-evident truth that Barack Obama is bad for the Jews. You see, Obama went and reached a preliminary nuclear deal with Iran, and then he went and manage to convince Congress not to vote for any new sanctions on Iran while negotiators try to reach a permanent deal. This did not sit well with Michele Bachmann, protector of Israel — in fact, it’s a chaleria that so many Jews voted for the gonif.

And so she shared her feelings with another Christian who loves Israel more than lousy American Jews do, the Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins, telling him all about how the Chosen People chose the wrong person:

The Jewish community gave him their votes, their support, their financial support and as recently as last week, forty-eight Jewish donors who are big contributors to the president wrote a letter to the Democrat [sic] senators in the US Senate to tell them to not advance sanctions against Iran. This is clearly against Israel’s best interest. What has been shocking has been seeing and observing Jewish organizations who it appears have made it their priority to support the political priority and the political ambitions of the president over the best interests of Israel. They sold out Israel.

Jews can be kind of dumb that way, failing to recognize for themselves that the Obama administration is full of secret Muslims. What’s worse, Obama is actually “threatening Israel” by supporting a two0-state approach to Palestinian-Israeli peace talks, which absolutely no one in Israel supports, except for the majority of Israelis. But that’s only because they don’t understand the important role they are destined to play in the End Times — 2/3 of them will be wiped out, and then when Jesus comes back the survivors will convert, yay!

Strangely, Bachmann’s disappointment doesn’t seem to be resonating with American Jews — at least not yet. We bet she just needs to give them some comics with a simple-to-understand message, and they’ll come right around.

[RightWingWatch via TPM / Image modified from pic at Jewlicious.com]

Read more at http://wonkette.com/543190/michele-bachmann-so-disappointed-american-jews-dont-recognize-that-obama-is-the-antichrist#M4DZkaKu5GM2podp.99

RAPTURE OF THE DERP  9:22 am March 5, 2014

Michele Bachmann So Disappointed American Jews Don’t Recognize That Obama Is The Antichrist

by Doktor Zoom

Image from 'Jewlicious.com'Like a lot of your rightwing fundagelicals, Michele Bachmann is a big believer in the old Chick tract “Support Your Local Jew,” so she knows that the most important country in the world, next to maybe America, is Israel, because that’s where Jesus will come to end the world. And so if Israel is unhappy about an American policy, that’s not just international politics, that’s an affront to God. Which explains why ol’ Crazy Eyes is especially ticked at American Jews for not recognizing the self-evident truth that Barack Obama is bad for the Jews. You see, Obama went and reached a preliminary nuclear deal with Iran, and then he went and manage to convince Congress not to vote for any new sanctions on Iran while negotiators try to reach a permanent deal. This did not sit well with Michele Bachmann, protector of Israel — in fact, it’s a chaleria that so many Jews voted for the gonif.

And so she shared her feelings with another Christian who loves Israel more than lousy American Jews do, the Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins, telling him all about how the Chosen People chose the wrong person:

The Jewish community gave him their votes, their support, their financial support and as recently as last week, forty-eight Jewish donors who are big contributors to the president wrote a letter to the Democrat [sic] senators in the US Senate to tell them to not advance sanctions against Iran. This is clearly against Israel’s best interest. What has been shocking has been seeing and observing Jewish organizations who it appears have made it their priority to support the political priority and the political ambitions of the president over the best interests of Israel. They sold out Israel.

Jews can be kind of dumb that way, failing to recognize for themselves that the Obama administration is full of secret Muslims. What’s worse, Obama is actually “threatening Israel” by supporting a two0-state approach to Palestinian-Israeli peace talks, which absolutely no one in Israel supports, except for the majority of Israelis. But that’s only because they don’t understand the important role they are destined to play in the End Times — 2/3 of them will be wiped out, and then when Jesus comes back the survivors will convert, yay!

Strangely, Bachmann’s disappointment doesn’t seem to be resonating with American Jews — at least not yet. We bet she just needs to give them some comics with a simple-to-understand message, and they’ll come right around.

[RightWingWatch via TPM / Image modified from pic at Jewlicious.com]

Read more at http://wonkette.com/543190/michele-bachmann-so-disappointed-american-jews-dont-recognize-that-obama-is-the-antichrist#M4DZkaKu5GM2podp.99

RAPTURE OF THE DERP  9:22 am March 5, 2014

Michele Bachmann So Disappointed American Jews Don’t Recognize That Obama Is The Antichrist

by Doktor Zoom

Image from 'Jewlicious.com'Like a lot of your rightwing fundagelicals, Michele Bachmann is a big believer in the old Chick tract “Support Your Local Jew,” so she knows that the most important country in the world, next to maybe America, is Israel, because that’s where Jesus will come to end the world. And so if Israel is unhappy about an American policy, that’s not just international politics, that’s an affront to God. Which explains why ol’ Crazy Eyes is especially ticked at American Jews for not recognizing the self-evident truth that Barack Obama is bad for the Jews. You see, Obama went and reached a preliminary nuclear deal with Iran, and then he went and manage to convince Congress not to vote for any new sanctions on Iran while negotiators try to reach a permanent deal. This did not sit well with Michele Bachmann, protector of Israel — in fact, it’s a chaleria that so many Jews voted for the gonif.

And so she shared her feelings with another Christian who loves Israel more than lousy American Jews do, the Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins, telling him all about how the Chosen People chose the wrong person:

The Jewish community gave him their votes, their support, their financial support and as recently as last week, forty-eight Jewish donors who are big contributors to the president wrote a letter to the Democrat [sic] senators in the US Senate to tell them to not advance sanctions against Iran. This is clearly against Israel’s best interest. What has been shocking has been seeing and observing Jewish organizations who it appears have made it their priority to support the political priority and the political ambitions of the president over the best interests of Israel. They sold out Israel.

Jews can be kind of dumb that way, failing to recognize for themselves that the Obama administration is full of secret Muslims. What’s worse, Obama is actually “threatening Israel” by supporting a two0-state approach to Palestinian-Israeli peace talks, which absolutely no one in Israel supports, except for the majority of Israelis. But that’s only because they don’t understand the important role they are destined to play in the End Times — 2/3 of them will be wiped out, and then when Jesus comes back the survivors will convert, yay!

Strangely, Bachmann’s disappointment doesn’t seem to be resonating with American Jews — at least not yet. We bet she just needs to give them some comics with a simple-to-understand message, and they’ll come right around.

[RightWingWatch via TPM / Image modified from pic at Jewlicious.com]

Read more at http://wonkette.com/543190/michele-bachmann-so-disappointed-american-jews-dont-recognize-that-obama-is-the-antichrist#M4DZkaKu5GM2podp.99